Not Funny Jokes...

1. 1. Top Joke of the Week: If you're American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom? European. by Skipper. Submit the top joke here!

Not Funny Joke Count: 200!

1. 1. What should I do at night when I want to make a yummy snack?

Make one!

1. 1. Why did the pencil go to the doctor?
    It had a broken lead.

1. 1. How do you catch a squirrel?
    Climb a tree and act like a nut.

1. 1. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one.

1. 1. What should name my pets? (specifically rabbits)

- Cardo
- CrapCardo
- Attack Cardo
- Kidnap Cardo
- SapCardo
- MapCardo
- SlapCardo
- SmackCardo
- Mishap Cardo

1. 1. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    Nacho cheese.

1. 1. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    It was two-tired.
  2. How does a snowman get around?
    By riding an “icicle".

1. 1. What did one wall say to the other wall?
    "I'll meet you at the corner."

1. 1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    Fsh.

1. 1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
    Because they make up everything.

1. 1. How do you organize a space party?
    You planet.

1. 1. Why did the chicken join a band?
    Because it had the drumsticks.

1. 1. Why don’t ants get sick?
    Because they have tiny ant-bodies.

1. 1. How does a cat end a fight?
    They purrs their way out.

1. 1. Why do cows wear bells?
    Because their horns don’t work.

1. 1. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.

1. 1. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.

1. 1. Why did the tomato turn red?
    Because it saw the salad dressing.

1. 1. How do you make a tissue dance?
    Put a little boogie in it.

1. 1. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
    Because some relationships don’t work out.

1. 1. What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta.

1. 1. What do you call a factory that makes good products?
    A satisfactory.

1. 1. How does a vampire start a letter?
    "Tomb it may concern..."

1. 1. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of socks?
    In case he got a hole in one.

1. 1. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
    Wrap music.

1. 1. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
    Frostbite.

1. 1. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
    It had a virus.

1. 1. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
    Nothing, they just waved.

1. 1. Why did the math book look sad?
    It had too many problems.

1. 1. What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.

1. 1. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?
    He was outstanding in his field.

1. 1. How does a penguin build its house?
    Igloos it together.

1. 1. What’s green and has wheels?
    Grass, I lied about the wheels.

1. 1. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    Because it was a little tired.

1. 1. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
    A can’t opener.

1. 1. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
    Frostbite.

1. 1. Why did the chicken sit in the middle of the road?
    To lay it on the line.

1. 1. What do you call a pile of cats?
    A meowtain.

1. 1. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
    "Hey, bud!"

1. 1. How do you make a lemon drop?
    Just let it fall.

1. 1. Why did the tomato turn red?
    Because it saw the salad dressing.
  2. What did the zero say to the eight?
    Nice belt!
  3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
    Because they make up everything.
  4. How do you organize a space party?
    You planet.
  5. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
    Nothing but let out a little wine.
  6. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.
  7. How does a penguin build its house?
    Igloos it together.
  8. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
    They don’t have the guts.
  9. Why did the math book look sad?
    It had too many problems.
  10. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    Nacho cheese.
  11. Why don't all couples go to the gym?
    Because they would get all sweaty.
  12. Why was the computer cold?
    It left its Windows open.
  13. What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta.
  14. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    It was two-tired.
  15. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.
  16. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
    Because some relationships don’t work out.
  17. How do you catch a squirrel?
    Climb a tree and act like a nut.
  18. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
    Frostbite.
  19. What did one wall say to the other wall?
    “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
  20. How does a cat end a fight?
    He purrs his way out.
  21. Why did the chicken join a band?
    Because it had the drumsticks.
  22. What do you call a factory that makes good products?
    A satisfactory.
  23. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
    Wrap music.
  24. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
    Nothing, they just waved.
  25. How do you make a tissue dance?
    Put a little boogie in it.
  26. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
    “Hey, bud!”
  27. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?
    He was outstanding in his field.
  28. Why did the tomato turn red?
    Because it saw the salad dressing.
  29. How do you make a lemon drop?
    Just let it fall.
  30. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of socks?
    In case he got a hole in one.
  31. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
    A can’t opener.
  32. What’s green and has wheels?
    Grass, I lied about the wheels.
  33. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    Because it was a little tired.
  34. Why did the chicken sit in the middle of the road?
    To lay it on the line.
  35. How does a vampire start a letter?
    “Tomb it may concern…”
  36. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    Fsh.
  37. Why don’t ants get sick?
    Because they have tiny ant-bodies.
  38. How does a penguin build its house?
    Igloos it together.
  39. What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.
  40. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
    An abdominal snowman.
  41. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one.
  42. Why did the math book look sad?
    It had too many problems.
  43. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.
  44. What do you call a pile of cats?
    A meowtain.
  45. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
    Because he was outstanding in his field.
  46. How do you make a tissue dance?
    Put a little boogie in it.
  47. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
    Because some relationships don’t work out.
  48. How does a cat end a fight?
    He purrs his way out.
  49. What did the zero say to the eight?
    Nice belt!
  50. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.
  51. What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta.
  52. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
    Nothing, they just waved.
  53. How does a penguin build its house?
    Igloos it together.
  54. What’s green and has wheels?
    Grass, I lied about the wheels.
  55. How do you organize a space party?
    You planet.
  56. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    Nacho cheese.
  57. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
    Because they make up everything.
  58. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
    Nothing but let out a little wine.
  59. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
    “Hey, bud!”
  60. How do you make a lemon drop?
    Just let it fall.
  61. Why did the tomato turn red?
    Because it saw the salad dressing.
  62. Why was the computer cold?
    It left its Windows open.
  63. What do you call a pile of cats?
    A meowtain.
  64. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    It was two-tired.
  65. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one.
  66. What’s green and has wheels?
    Grass, I lied about the wheels.
  67. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
    A can’t opener.
  68. Why don’t ants get sick?
    Because they have tiny ant-bodies.
  69. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.
  70. What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta.
  71. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    Fsh.
  72. How does a cat end a fight?
    He purrs his way out.
  73. What did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?
    He was outstanding in his field.
  74. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
    An abdominal snowman.
  75. What did the zero say to the eight?
    Nice belt!
  76. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    Because it was a little tired.
  77. What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.
  78. Why did the chicken sit in the middle of the road?
    To lay it on the line.
  79. How do you organize a space party?
    You planet.
  80. What did one wall say to the other wall?
    “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
  81. How does a vampire start a letter?
    “Tomb it may concern…”
  82. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
    Because some relationships don’t work out.
  83. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
    Because he was outstanding in his field.
  84. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    Nacho cheese.
  85. How do you catch a squirrel?
    Climb a tree and act like a nut.
  86. What’s green and has wheels?
    Grass, I lied about the wheels.
  87. What do you call a pile of cats?
    A meowtain.
  88. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
    Nothing but let out a little wine.
  89. What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta.
  90. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of socks?
    In case he got a hole in one.
  91. How does a penguin build its house?
    Igloos it together.
  92. What’s brown and sticky?
    A stick.
  93. Why did the tomato turn red?
    Because it saw the salad dressing.
  94. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
    It had a virus.
  95. How do you make a tissue dance?
    Put a little boogie in it.
  96. What did the zero say to the eight?
    Nice belt!
  97. Why did the bicycle fall over?
    It was two-tired.
  98. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A gummy bear.
  99. What’s green and has wheels?
    Grass, I lied about the wheels.

1. 1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
    Because they make up everything.

1. 1. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
    Because some relationships don’t work out.

1. 1. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

1. 1. What do you call a pile of cats?

A meowtain

1. 1. I tried to start a fish restaurant, but it flopped.
  2. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh
  3. I tried starting a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.
  4. I tried to start a band, but I couldn't find enough members.
  5. I tried to start a restaurant, but it was a flop.
  6. AI tried starting a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.
  7. I tried to start a fish restaurant, but it flopped.
  8. I tried to start a joke-telling business, but it was a flop.
  9. I tried to start a lawn mowing business, but it was a lawn mower.
  10. I tried to start a clothing store, but it was a tailor-made disaster.
  11. I tried to start a bakery, but it was a bread disaster.
  12. I tried to start a car wash, but it was a washout.
  13. I tried to start a gardening business, but it was a weed-out.
  14. I tried to start a music school, but it was a flop.
  15. I tried to start a dog walking business, but it was a walk in the park.
  16. I tried to start a book club, but it was a page-turner.
  17. I tried to start a movie theater, but it was a flop.
  18. I tried to start a restaurant, but it was a flop.
  19. I tried to start a coffee shop, but it was a latte disaster.
  20. I tried to start a dance studio, but it was a flop.
  21. I tried to start a gym, but it was a workout.
  22. I tried to start a painting business, but it was a brush-off.
  23. I tried to start a game store, but it was a game-changer.
  24. I tried to start a travel agency, but it was a jet-setting disaster.
  25. I tried to start a furniture store, but it was a couch potato.
  26. I tried to start a gardening business, but it was a plant-based disaster.
  27. I tried to start a fishing business, but it was a reel disaster.
  28. I tried to start a cooking school, but it was a flop.
  29. I tried to start a hair salon, but it was a cut-and-paste disaster.
  30. I tried to start a camping store, but it was a tent-ative disaster.
  31. I tried to start a bowling alley, but it was a gutter ball.
  32. I tried to start a wine tasting business, but it was a corked disaster.
  33. I tried to start a pet store, but it was a paw-sitive disaster.
  34. I tried to start a car dealership, but it was a lemon.
  35. I tried to start a ice cream shop, but it was a cone-fused disaster.
  36. I tried to start a shoe store, but it was a heel-arious disaster.
  37. I tried to start a jewelry store, but it was a diamond in the rough.
  38. I tried to start a toy store, but it was a play-thing disaster.
  39. I tried to start a pool cleaning business, but it was a pool-itive disaster.
  40. I tried to start a farm, but it was a barn-yard disaster.
  41. I tried to start a candy store, but it was a sweet disaster.
  42. I tried to start a tech company, but it was a glitch.
  43. I tried to start a gardening store, but it was a plant-based disaster.
  44. I tried to start a pizza place, but it was a slice of heaven.
  45. I tried to start a sushi restaurant, but it was a raw deal.
  46. I tried to start a coffee shop, but it was a latte disaster.
  47. I tried to start a bakery, but it was a bread disaster.
  48. I tried to start a clothing store, but it was a tailor-made disaster.
  49. I tried to start a car wash, but it was a washout.
  50. I tried to start a gardening business, but it was a weed-out.
  51. I tried to start a music school, but it was a flop.
  52. I tried to start a dog walking business, but it was a walk in the park.
  53. I tried to start a book club, but it was a page-turner.
  54. I tried to start a movie theater, but it was a flop.
  55. I tried to start a restaurant, but it was a flop.

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